Loyalty is a word that is often used to describe our feelings towards people, groups, or causes. On Thursday, March 23 a group of ethical leaders gather to explore the topic of loyalty in relation to leadership. The notes that follow are a brief summary of the rich conversation that took place around the table. These notes are a synthesis of the notes taken by Jim Kerlin and my own revisions.
Topic: Dimensions of loyalty.
What does loyalty look like?
- There are different dimensions to loyalty. When we talk about loyalty, we are often focusing on a particular dimension: a person; a principle; a cause.
- One typically can’t be loyal to a cause unless it is on high ground.
- There needs to be congruence: when we are serving our customer but not our staff…We can generate a myopic disconnect.
- Blind loyalty
- Misplaced loyalty
- Misguided loyalty
- Betrayed loyalty
Characteristics of loyalty:
- If we are truly serving we are not expecting something back for our Loyalty.
- Loyalty can be based upon conditions and priorities. There seems to be, however, an inverse relationship between loyalty and its constraints.
- As humans we seem to have a need for loyalty.
- There is a guilt that goes with breaking a loyalty.
- One needs to ask themselves, what are my core values?
- Our core values reflect our loyalties. How we spend our time is a reflection of our values.
- Derek Deprey just wrote a book called SHIFT: Move from Frustrated to Fulfilled. The first chapter is about identifying your core values. .
- While our core values remain fairly durable over time, our priorities may change. These changes in priorities can result in shifting loyalties towards people, causes, or groups.
Leadership & loyalty:
- Loyalty is a product of trust and authentic relationships.
- When leaders share sincere words of recognition and encouragement, it can cement loyalty.
- High expectations and loyalty are not mutually exclusive. A leader that expects hard work can still build loyalty.
- When words and actions are inconsistent, loyalty towards the person, organization, or cause is weakened.
- Once trust is broken, loyalty is very difficult to re-establish.
- Conflicting loyalties are often difficult to sort out.
- Simplest answer: Be loyal and don’t expect anything in return. Just serve the people around you.
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Copyright 2017, Dan Lococo. All rights reserved.
These are the notes from our Servant-Leader roundtable gathering of Thursday, December 22. These notes are a compilation of the wisdom in the room, Jim Kerlin’s notes, and my own notes.
Topic for the day: Keeping the “all” in “Merry Christmas to all.”
- We routinely say “Merry Christmas to all” even though approximately 30% of Americans either have no religious affiliation or are not Christian.
- The Declaration of Independence states, “Freedom and justice for all” even though “all”” didn’t refer to everyone at the time. There continues to be on-going debate regarding what is meant by “equal justice for all.”
- In both cases, these words are most often shared as statements of goodwill, unity, and shared values.
- As ethical leaders we are called to be both a source of unity and to respect the diversity that naturally exists within any group of two or more.
How do we work as a servant leader with people who don’t share the same viewpoint?
- As a young man, Earl grew up within walking distance of a Baptist church, Muslim temple, Jewish synagogue, Pentecostal church, etc. One day Mom gathered the children around a tree and pointed out that, just like their different view of the same tree, people can have different views of the same God.
- A key element of the Franciscan world view is respect for all of God’s creation.
- People talk about Justice but what they are often talking about is “just us.”
- Emma Lazarus is cited as having said: “Until we are all free, we are none of us free.” People are free to believe what they want, even if their point of view is different than
Ours, so long as it does not interfere with the freedoms of others.
How do we navigate the transition to accepting people for being different than ourselves?
- When our views differ from those of others, there appears to be a consistent tendency to characterize those differences as extreme from our own. As leaders we need to be aware of how we are interpreting what others say to us and how our words are likely to be interpreted by others.
- Capitalizing and italicizing the word “ALL” when describing the individuals we are referring to in our communication is a strong reminder that “all” does not mean “some.”
- All people need someone who cares about them. There is a whole lot more about the person than one characteristic or another. There is a whole person here. How we use this knowledge is an indicator of who we are as people and how we can serve better.
- We don’t have to like ALL, but we should love ALL.
- We can start by asking about what we share and then just listen.
- Our forefathers were geniuses. Because we do differ, because we have the freedom to differ, is what makes our great republic work. Embrace the differences.
This was the last gathering of the year and last gathering of the 6th year of the roundtables.
Copyright 2016 Dan Lococo. All rights reserved.
The following notes are a brief summary of the roundtable conversation that took place among a group that gathered at the Mad Rooster Café to sharpen their leadership skills.
Our conversation began with a discussion of the challenges that were illuminated as part of the recent violence that followed the shooting of (an armed) black man in the Sherman Park neighborhood of Milwaukee. The complexity of that situation was compounded by the lack of first-hand information regarding the specific details of the situation, its aftermath, and the underlying stressors associated with race, segregation, and injustice in the United States. Among the factors that served to sensationalize the situation was the introduction of individuals from outside the neighborhood immediately after the shooting and the fact that a burning building makes for better TV news than does church groups Ministering to their community. As a roundtable, we recognized that this is a situation beyond the capacity of the group to address in the limited time we had available to us.
The group agreed to consider another situation that was both more accessible and more manageable to address in our time together. The scenario we dug into was at a far smaller scope than racial disparities but had surprisingly similar dynamics.
Among the highlights of the conversation:
- Policies and procedures create a transparent set of operating agreements.
- Trust and an expectation of equitable treatment are undermined in the absence of standard operating procedures (SOP).
- It is almost impossible to define a set of policies and procedures that cover all eventualities.
- It is the responsibility of the (formal) leader to determine when, and how, SOP will be modified to fit non-standard situations.
- When the need arises to stray from SOP it is important to ensure that the reasons for the deviation, actions to be taken, and distribution of responsibilities are clearly articulated.
- Anytime SOP is abandoned for a specific situation, it is important to determine whether the situation justifies the exception or if there is a need to revise policy and/or procedures.
- If everyone around the table responds “Fine” to the question “How are things going in your area of responsibility?” it’s probably the case that they are not.
- Sometimes, the clearest act of leadership is to acknowledge that things are not going “fine.” This can create a path forward to a more collaborative, cooperative environment.
The following article was not discussed during the roundtable but seems relevant to the conversation.
3 tips for surviving a toxic workplace
On Thursday, April 28 a group of Servant-Leaders gathered to explore the topic of “sustainable persuasion.” Sustainability evokes images of equilibrium while persuasion often takes the form of coercion. The notes below reflect highlights of the rich conversation that took place. These notes reflect the synthesis of the notes Jim Kerlin took, my own notes, and the wisdom of the people around the table. Dan Lococo (5/9/2016).
Environment and culture:
- A top down / command and control environment is not sustainable. Good people will leave that environment.
- Having a clearly defined mission and articulated values creates the foundation for any effective organization. Messaging for mission and values, has to be continual and from multiple sources.
- Having great vision is really useless without having great people. When we are insensitive to the values those people bring to the table, we cannot cultivate a sustainable environment.
- It is much easier to persuade others once we understand their perspective.
- Trust is a key to being able to persuade people in a positive way. Persuasion doesn’t work without trust.
- When trust does not exist, arguments to persuade can end up being the basis for counter arguments.
- People are like coins we hope they show their heads more than their tails.
- When we seek to persuade others, we start from the assumption we are right in our thinking/perceptions. In a situation where we are trying to build consensus seeking to persuade without sharing the vision of the end result does not provide a foundation for collaborative effort.
- We need to understand our role. Having an understanding of the creative value others bring to the table can provide insight into how to leverage the power of collaborative efforts.
- If you know you have communicated clearly we may need to back off and let things sink in. When dealing with a group, sometimes you should voice your opinion, stop, (pray) and be satisfied with the results.
- It is not how we ‘react’ to things; it is how we ‘respond’ to things. Compromise is not weakness.
- A persuasive argument is meaningless without a receptive listener. People need time to process – pushing to convince others can be counter-productive.
- The dynamics of growth and change are relevant to both persuasion and sustainability.
- When there are groups with opposing viewpoints, it is often harder to persuade than if there is one group. Allowing people to take ownership of why they are opposed to something can be more productive than trying to silence opposition.
- Start with getting to a shared value or set of values….then persuasion is a mutual process.
- Once the shared vision/value is established persuasion becomes an opportunity for mutual growth.
- Manage emotion and focus on shared value. “How does this meet the shared value we established?
- Three C’s: collaboration, compromise, consensus.
- Out of conflict you can have great conversation.
- After conflict there is opportunity.
- Conceptualization and foresight are tied to achieving sustainable persuasion.
- We can facilitate discussion in a way that integrates persuasion with collaboration. Conversation becomes more one of collaboration toward a shared value when the parties are persuading each other.
- Criteria for decision making can take some of the emotion out of it.
- Start with shared value and persuasion comes easier.
- There are multiple ways to do most everything.
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Copyright 2016, Dan Lococo. All rights reserved.
These notes are a compilation of notes taken by Jim Kerlin, my own notes, and my impressions. They are only a breif highlight of the rich conversation that took place at the Servant-Leader roundtable held on Thursday, January 28th.
Topic for the day: Listening to messages you don’t necessarily want to hear.
The catalyst for this roundtable topic was a recent experience of racist leaning comments heard in a conversation. In listening to the comments (posted on an electronic neighborhood bulletin board) Dan felt compelled to respond while recognizing the need to be sensitive to the very real fears of his neighbors.
Our conversation explored the following:
- What we see is based upon our experiences.
- It is hard not to be influenced by our past.
- It is far easier to recognize my own truth than someone else’s truth.
- Being in a role of authority can be a barrier to listening.
- As a mentor it is necessary to listen deeply and guide lightly.
- As a parent it can be hard to observe the decision processes of teenagers without stifling the growth than can only come through experience.
- It can be a challenge to ensure that those we Sheppard are not mislead by the frustration we may experience with them as an indicator of a lack of commitment to stand by their side.
Things we learned from each other:
- Listening with EMPATHY is the key to active listening.
- When we are in a role of authority, telling it like it is can seem dictatorial.
- We can use tools (chalkboard, whiteboard, post-its, etc) to post the ideas that are on the table without passing judgment.
- There is a need to humbly recognize what buttons/triggers may result in negative responses min ourselves and others.
- Be “present” in the conversation. There is an inverse relationship between the amount of time we spend “covering your ass-ets (CYA)” and the about of direct communication that takes place.
- Exclamations such as “ouch” or “yikes” can be used to convey the fact that the speaker is communicating in potentially offensive/aggressive terms. The goal is to defuse the situation.
- Recognizing what other people are saying may or may not lead to other things that they are including in their thought process.
- Leaders want the truth. We need to make it safe for people to tell us the truth. It’s like lying to your doctor: it is not beneficial if your lawyer, doctor, leader or peer only has a partial picture of what is going on.
- Finishing each-other’s sentences is pervasive in business. The most effective leaders are those that do not try to get ahead of the conversation or try to speed it up.
- Be careful trying to be funny in text, email or social media. Messages can be taken quite literally.
- We need to think about sub-text when we are speaking.
Ladder of Inference:
Organizational psychologist Chris Argyris developed the ladder of inference as a way of illustrating the process of moving from observation to action. In conversation, we can only observe the action of someone speaking to us. We need to intentionally pursue an understanding of what lead to that action.
The Ladder of Inference climbs the following steps:
- We observe things
- Select what to pay attention to
- Make meanings and assumptions
- Draw conclusions
- Adopt beliefs
- Take actions
For more information go to: https://www.solonline.org/?tool_ladder_of_infer
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Copyright 2016, Dan Lococo. All rights reserved.
At this time of year, many traditions and celebrations are observed. They range from secular to religious, from individual to group. Many are sacred to people and need to be respected even if not completely understood. For example: I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find that this message was read on a smart phone by someone in a deer stand, waiting for the elusive “30 Point Buck.” As the year comes to a close various religious holidays are celebrated that bring families and friends together in ways that can be both celebratory and sources of great stress. For a leader to ignore the disruptive potential of these activities can be both naive and insensitive.
At the same time as there are many opportunities for people to be focused on their personal and family traditions, year-end is often at time when things must get done. In the workplace, year-end production targets are often tied to various performance measures. In organizational and family life year-end includes all sorts of activities that are both important and distracting: preparation of food and clothing packages for those less fortunate; rehearsals for religious and civic celebrations; coordinating family travel; etc.
The leader is charged with both ensuring goals are achieved and that people are respected. This can be a fine line to walk. The challenge is all the more complicated by the great diversity of organizational constructs, family constructs, personal and cultural traditions. While I have my own traditions and experiences to guide me, I recognize my personal history is only a small slice of the world.
We’ll be exploring this topic further on Thursday, November 19 at the Mad Rooster Cafe .
Notes from the August 6, 2015 Servant-Leader roundtable held in Waukesha, WI.
Topic: Supporting a creative work environment
- Opportunities for creativity need to be cultivated. While creativity itself is spontaneous, we can create opportunities for creativity.
- There is a time and place for developing creative ideas. The challenge for leaders is to set boundaries for the implementation of creative opportunities.
- The leader is responsible for distinguishing between principles versus policy: principle as guidelines; policy as rules.
- Principles are useful as they define the values that govern.
- While we would like to think we could function by principles only, we need policies to serve as common operating agreements. The key is to tie those policies directly to the governing principles.
- What is the problem we are trying to solve?
- As policy is developed, we need to check to see if the people affected by the policy are included in the development process.
- When people violate policy it is a time to listen to understand why the policy was violated and it is time to validate the policy against the reason for the violation.
Lessons for leaders:
- The less policies the better.
- Do the policies release the energy in the people or does it constrict creativity?
- How do we create the space to validate policy and principle?
- The transparency in policy development comes with developing a trusting relationship.
- As a leader it is sometimes a job to be the interference between corporate policy and the reality of the front line.
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